These jokes come from the Australian Forum:
There is a knock on the Pearly gates. St. Peter looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there’s another knock. St. Peter gets to the door and sees the same man. He opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears again. ” Hey, are you playing games with me? ” St. Peter calls after him, a little frustrated. “No,” the man’s distant voice replies. ” They’re trying to resuscitate me.”
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An elderly man was stopped by the police around two o’clock in the morning and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, ” I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as playing poker and staying out late”. The officer then asked. ” Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?” The man replied, ” That would be my wife”.
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A man wakes up in hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in. ” Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. ” You’re going to be ok, you’ll walk again and everything. However , your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.” The man groans, but the doctor goes on. ” You have $9000 insurance compensation coming, and we have the technology to build new penises. They work great, but don’t come cheap. They cost $1000 an inch. ” The man perks up. ” So,” the doctor says, ” you must decide how many inches you want. Since you have been married for over 30 years, this is something you should discuss with your wife. ” The man is enormously excited by the possibilities but agrees to talk to his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. ” So, have you spoken with your wife? ” ” Yes I have, ” said the man. ” And has she helped you make a decision? ” ” Yes. ” says the man. ” What’s your decision ? ” asks the doctor. ” We’re getting granite bench tops. ”
