The last few hours have been a daze. I know I have been here at the castle. I know I have posted, but I can't remember what. I know I have been on the other forums. I know I have been hugged a lot by my family. And I know I have cried a lot. I am crying now.
I don't really know why I am writing this here. I need to talk but I have been unable to say anything for the last few hours. I don't know any of you, at least not in the normal way, yet I consider many of you friends. I guess it is easier here. I have never seen the bad side of any of you. In a way, you are all perfect friends, I only get the best of you.
This afternoon my Grandfather died. He was a great man. He taught me so much. He taught me about life, he taught me to be a man, he taught me to love. Not just others, but myself as well. He taught me that life is what you make it. When he was young, he was a very poor man. If my Grandmother needed a new dress, they would have to save for months and months. I remember stories told by my Mother and my Aunt of how they used to fix holes in the wall with brown paper dipped in tar. That was during the depression. He fought his way up, and he became succesful, my Grandmother wanted for nothing. Did it change him? No. It made him a humble man, greatful for all that he had. And it made him love. He loved my Mother and all his kids. He loved all his grandkids, including me. And he loved us totally. He told me once that no matter what happens in your life, the sun will always come up in the morning, even if it is behind the clouds, it is always there. Nothing can ever happen to stop that. And if you love someone, it will always be there, even if there are clouds.
I never really understood the last part. Now I do. My Grandmother died a couple of weeks ago. I loved her very much too. But there was no sadness like there is now. For the last couple of years, my grandmother suffered from altzheimers. In the end, she didn't even know who she was. Her passing was expected and in a way, a blessing. My Grandmother was 92. My Grandfather was 99. Next year they would have been married for 70 years. He still loved her, even though there were clouds. And as was his way, he made sure she was looked after right to the end. He was not sick, he was not frail, there was nothing wrong. The clouds are gone and now he can be with her the way he wants. He is still looking after her.
I love you Grandad.
