KOTCT
Castle Courtyard => Liar's Bench aka... Pickle Barrel => Topic started by: Yass on February 18, 2010, 02:11:48 PM
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No doubt the rules are the same the world over. ;D
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN CANBERRA
1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Canberra driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive repairs. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Canberra.
9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre.
10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Canberra is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to the Urban services, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not forgetting the 'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.
12. It is traditional in Canberra to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
15. Remember that the goal of every Canberra driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
16. Real Canberra women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
17. Real Canberra men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 95 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.
19. There is a commonly held belief in Canberra that high-speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.
20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because, hell - they have brakes.
21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around The Causeway, Lower Kambah, Lower Wanniassa, Scullin, areas of Ainslie and Oaks Estate.
22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one-way street.
23. It's O.K when driving in Belconnen's suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "#%*#". However, it is imperative you are driving at least a 5-litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.
24. Canberra drivers are experts at merging, when in two or more lanes travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone politely indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off, should they succeed and get into your lane never mind that it was actually legal for them to do that, ensure that your flash your lights, honk your horn, use extreme hand gestures, even tailgate them, just to let them know, IT WAS YOUR LANE.
25. Ensure that when merging into traffic travelling at any more than 40kph that you stop in the merging lane, backing up traffic for miles behind you, ensuring that you have given yourself or no-one else that opportunity to merge. Again, forget that the traffic handbook states that you should speed up to meet traffic speed then merge. If you are travelling in a lane near a merge lane, don't changes lanes to make it easy for them, instead see rule 24, after all they deserve it.
26. While using Canberra roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts, ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.
27. If you are an Action bus driver, you must win at all costs, getting to your destination prior to any other driver is life and death. Never worry about your passengers bouncing round in the back like tennis balls, hell it's a cheap form of theme park, in fact Canberra's very own.
28. Canberra Cabs, see rule 27, except you are now qualifying for the GMC 400.
29. Pedestrian crossings - What are they?
30. If you are a cyclist, remember YOU ARE INVINCIBLE, you are stronger than ANY vehicle travelling at speed, MAKE SURE you take the whole lane for yourself, and at night NEVER use lights, remember They Will See You
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LOL, and i thought that this happens only in Cairo.
The only defference is that in Canberra the population is over 345,000 but in Cairo it is around 20,000,000. :D ;D
I bet you cannot imagine the picture at the rush hour, you have to see to believe :D ;D
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20 million, that's the whole population of Australia in one city.
Yass, what you have listed is the same for Perth.
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RULES FOR DRIVING IN MICHIGAN:
1...POSTED SPEED LIMITS ARE ONLY SUGGESTIONS
2...THERE ARE NO SPEED LIMITS ON THE SHOULDER OF THE ROAD
3...IF YOU HAVE NOT HIT A DEER--YOU AREN'T TRYING ENOUUGH
4...HORNS MUST BE USED WHAT EVER THE REASON
5...IF IT IS RAINING REAL HARD--SPEED UP AND TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS
6...YOU DON'T HAVE A RADIO UNLESS IT CAN MAKE OTHER CARS SHAKE WHEN PLAYED
7...ROAD MAPS ARE TO BE READ WHILE DRIVING
8.INSURANCE IS SOMETHING YOU GET TO GET A LICENSE TAB---THEN YOU DROP YOUR COVERAGE
9...WHEN ROAD IS ICY--YOU SPEED UP TO KEEP FROM SLIDING
10...YOU MUST HAVE SOME KIND OF STICKER/STICKERS ON YOR CAR e.g.KEEP HONKING I'M
RELOADING!
YOUR SERVANT AND FRIEND............THE TEMPLAR(http://)
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Sounds like the way most folks drive here in Michigan! :)
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I had to change one of my rules
" Wherever the other f****r is going in a bend I can go as fast in my BMW coupe sports car
or faster
Untill the day the f****r in front of me went all four wheels out of the 180 grade halfcircle
A porsche will go all four wheels (no oversteering or understeering , no front or back slide breakout , no chance to correct ; just centrifugal spinning ) My car will break out in the back giving you warning to ease up on the gas
I got away with a tap on the brakes and letting it slightly break out in the rear
( a BMW can handle a 45 degree breakout which is the largest break out of all cars I know)
I drove this car three years before I felt ABS coming in ( dead slow on ice at that )
I also got an electronic disconect when one of the wheels slips which means no drive is the same as fourwheel drive .
I kept one rule thouhg
Brakes are for sissies
I do 250 000 kilometers without having to put in new brakes
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One of my favorite bumper stickers reads, "This vehicle never carries more than $20 worth of ammunition." Now, with rising costs, it should read $50 dollars!
Thanks for the rules of the road here fellows. Like it or not most of us have seen ALL of them! I did not see one that said excellent drivers can talk, drink, comb their hair and TEXT at the same time?
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Rules for driving in Virgina; always carry plenty of cash ( they have a pay or stay law)
No matter how much older you are than the State Trooper he will always tell you " you are not in Kentucky any more young man" ;D
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What are you doing in Virginia when you have friends up here in Indiana and Michigan? Virginia is too darn close to Washington!!! ;D
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One of my favorite bumper stickers reads, "This vehicle never carries more than $20 worth of ammunition." Now, with rising costs, it should read $50 dollars!
Thanks for the rules of the road here fellows. Like it or not most of us have seen ALL of them! I did not see one that said excellent drivers can talk, drink, comb their hair and TEXT at the same time?
I have been afraid only once in my life driving a car
That was like 25 years ago with a brand new BMW Alpina 323 i
We were two couples and my friend was reading the map
He made a mistake and got me unto place the la concorde which is like an 8 lanes
roundabout with those minicars and real size Mercedes cars going thru 7 lanes in less then a second . Then I had like 3 miles down the Champs Elysées like 5 lanes everybody zigzagging about 20 km/hr over the legal limit in front of me . At the end I made an excit
and went to the first bistro to get me a double cognac.
I must say I recuperated enough to go to the Moulin Rouge that night ( by Taxi )
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AAAhh memories when Canberra was my abode for three years in the early 90s. All true, I remember, very clearly, the non use of indicators. "Mind your own business, do I ask where you are going" >:( A general rule here (Aust) is to keep left unless overtaking. Another annoying fact is on the express way at 110KPH (68MPH) and needing to overtake a slower car and yes, old Mate, is is in the right hand lane at around 90 ks, and will not move over to the left.
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Gregk, I've been driving for over 2 score yrs now. I now only average around 25K miles (40K km) per yr. In my mind, the #1 law of driving is "Keep to the right (left) except when passing." I find that around 65% of the people don't know or care about this.....and never will!!
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:D Goose, don't you just hate it, keep left or keep right, its not hard to do. It makes it so much easier for other traffic.
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Gregk, I've been driving for over 2 score yrs now. I now only average around 25K miles (40K km) per yr. In my mind, the #1 law of driving is "Keep to the right (left) except when passing." I find that around 65% of the people don't know or care about this.....and never will!!
The only country I know where slower cars will keep to the right is Germany
even at 120 miles an hour to let those that are doing 135 pass by .
There are only a few roads left in Germany one going north south to Switzerland that
have enough free room to do 150 miles an hour .