The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They have imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.
My mate's missus left him last Thursday, she said she was going out for a pint of milk & never came back!
I asked him how he was coping and he said, "Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff."
Two Irishmen find a mirror in the road.
The first one picks it up & says, "Blow me I know this face but I can't put a name to it."
The second picks it up & says, "You daft fool it's me!"
Two Irishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house.
Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down & throws it away.
He carries on doing this until Murphy says, "Why are you throwing them away?"
"Because they're upside down," says Paddy.
"You daft prat," replies Murphy, "save 'em for the ceiling!!"
