Blonde Jokes

[arthrene]

As a blonde, I feel I have the right to start this topic. So I know you've all got them, let's hear 'em.

Here's one to start things off:
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "Handywoman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man a greed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.

 "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus".

[Dumanyu]

I don't usually post up on such topics, but here goes...

A young blonde woman, walks into a hair salon to get her hair done. She is neatly dressed and has headphones on her head listening to a Walkman.

When it's her turn, the stylist asks her how she would like her hair done, and after responding the stylists asks her to remove the headphones.
The blonde woman responds in a "valley girl" like tone, "I can't talk these off, like I'll die!!!"

The stylist agrees to just cut her hair around the headphones.
Midway through the session the young blonde woman nods off to sleep. The stylists figures with her asleep, she can remove her headphones, finish cutting her hair, replace the headphones, and then wake her up.

Fifteen minutes later the stylist replaces the headphones and tries to wake the young woman up, only to find that she is indeed dead. The stylist is stunned and confused as to what happened to the young blonde. Finally, she takes the headphones off the dead womans head, put them to her ears, and hears...

"Breathe in... Breathe out"
"Breathe in... Breathe out"

[Humpybong]

Ha ha ha ha ha......very funny Dumanyu

            

[GregK]

The first two blonde jokes I thought of, you had  .  Two people are walking along.  One spies a dead bird on the footpath and remarks about it. The Blonde looks up and says "where".   

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

[Topher]

Two blondes were putting shingles on a roof and one blond was only nailing in about half of the nails, and throwing the other half out.  The second blonde asks her what she's doing.   The first blonde replies "half of the nails are pointing in the wrong direction, so I can't use them and have to throw them out."  The second blonde shouts back "You idiot!  They're for the other side!"

[Nevol]

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?”

The old man looks at the bartender through teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”

The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

[Nevol]

Q. Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
A. She can't find the eleven.

[Nevol]

A group of Antarticans walk into a bar and they seem to be celebrating something. All of them are repeating "32 days, 32 days" with much excitement.

The bartender being curious asks, "What's so special about 32 days?"

"Well," One of the blondes said, "We just finished putting a Jig Saw puzzle together, it only took us 32 days, and the box said 3-4 years!