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Topher

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For the ladies.....
May 25, 2008, 12:30:55 AM
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but speeds up as her anger increases.

"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck.

Again the wife speeds up to eighty mph.

He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."

"Oh, really," he says, "So what have you got?"

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says,...

"The airbag."

 


Topher

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Re: For the ladies.....
May 25, 2008, 12:31:05 AM

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman.

The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love.

He asked his wife to move out, with the understanding that he would buy her another place.

The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.

The first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

The second day she had the movers come and collect her things.

The third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit dining room table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each room, and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned the kitchen and left.

The husband came back with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days. Then it started, slowly but surely.

Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad.

They tried everything; they cleaned, mopped, and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in; the carpets were replaced, and on it went.

Finally,they couldn't take it any more, and decided to move.

The Moving Company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home...

...including the curtain rods.

 


Topher

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Re: For the ladies.....
May 25, 2008, 12:31:22 AM
Men are like bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like the weather.
Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like blenders.
You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like department stores.
Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like government bonds.
They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not very bright.

 


Topher

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Re: For the ladies.....
May 25, 2008, 12:31:53 AM
I hope I can take off the flame-retardant suit now.  :D

 


Offline TwoShadows

Re: For the ladies.....
May 25, 2008, 01:46:10 AM
I, without much effort, have broken the sterotype of a normal man! There are those of us who remain as free individuals with unique personalities that defies the group!!! ;D  And, I do believe there are quite a few men and women here who cannot be lumped into the "norm"! After all WE are coin and currency collectors who believe all money is NOT meant for spending! ;D

Terry
Knight #1

"Life's a Lemon, I want my money back!" (Meatloaf)