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Offline Nevol

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#1 For Fred
April 07, 2008, 08:21:27 PM
Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.

The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.

Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.

Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"

With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"

Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, Prof! You tell me!"

Neol~Nancy
KOTCT #46
Queensland, Australia
Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.
 


Offline Nevol

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Re: #2 For Fred
April 07, 2008, 08:23:28 PM
You know it is time to reassess your relationship with
your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".

13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

Neol~Nancy
KOTCT #46
Queensland, Australia
Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.
 


Offline Nevol

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Re: #3 For Fred
April 07, 2008, 08:31:08 PM
When the temperature is...

60 above Zero - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats- Chicago people sunbathe.

50 above Zero - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat - Chicago people plant gardens.

40 above Zero - Italian cars won't start - Chicago people drive with the windows down.

32 above Zero - Distilled water freezes - Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.

20 above Zero - Californians shiver uncontrollably - Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.

15 above Zero - New York landlords finally turn up the heat - Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.

0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico - Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.

20 below Zero - People in Miami cease to exist - Chicago people get out their winter coats.

40 below Zero - Hollywood disintegrates - Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

60 below Zero - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica - Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

80 below Zero - Mount St. Helen's freezes - Chicago people rent some videos.

100 below Zero - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole - Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

297 below Zero - Microbial life survives on dairy products - Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

460 below Zero - ALL atomic motion stops - Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"

500 below Zero - Hell freezes over - The Chicago Cubs win the World Series.

Neol~Nancy
KOTCT #46
Queensland, Australia
Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.
 


Goose

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Re: #1 For Fred
April 08, 2008, 05:17:41 AM
Ah, sure, the Chicago Cubs win the World Series......NOPE! It'll have to get MUCH colder than a lousy -500 F. Heck, I've been a Cub fan for lo these many, many snows. I used to go to games when tickets were $2.50 for granstand, I went to the bleachers--$1, hot dogs were 25c, and beer was ----don't know, I was too young. (Born & raised in Chi & moved to Minn some 30+ yrs ago.)

They last won a pennant in 1945 - 63 yrs ago. (I have an uncle's score card for when Detroit beat them in the World Series that yr.) They last won the World series in 1908. Is this the yr? Naw, "Wait'll next year."

 


Dumanyu

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Re: #1 For Fred
April 08, 2008, 03:10:06 PM
Nevol,
    You left out the part between 461 and 499 below zero, where the weatherman in Buffalo announces "Winter is here". Love the content on this post.